They Changed The Outlet

There's a particular coffee shop where I spent the majority of my early college years . The coffee shop that I hopelessly dreamed of my future in at the 3 seat table with the power outlet that doesn't work on the right side of the relatively large floor plan. I sat here day after day meeting new people, having peculiar conversations, and hoping. I sat waiting for the next opportunity to spark up a friendship with just a few sentences. As naive as it may seem, I think I learned some of my sweetest life lessons in that shop, from total and complete strangers who just happened to pick their choice of coffee in the same place.

While many of my friends were at major universities and colleges, I stayed home and went to community college. I came and went quickly to and from my classes at the campus across town; and then hurried to my second home, the coffee shop. The baristas knew me and expected me to show up. I looked forward to the people I would see that happened to drop by at just the same time that I did each day.

I didn't just interact and stay busy though; I spent a lot of time hoping and dreaming and wondering. Everything stirred inside of me- I wondered where'd I be in 5 years or so; what on earth I'd be able to do with the education I was getting, and who I'd be spending my time with. I dreamed of opening my own coffee shop one day, of having the determination to go to school for something ambitious like a nurse or a successful business leader. [I think I saw a lot of them come through the shop and I craved what they had because they looked like they had it all together.] I dreamed of who "my people" were then and who they would be down the road. I dreamed of the places I would travel and experiences I would have. I dreamed of a man who would care for me and love me and value me, every part of me.

I have seen the Lord change me, I have seen seasons that were brutally cold and some marvelously perfect. The times I sat sitting in the shop, I cherish, because the Lord was planting those desires in me- and I was so ecstatic to see how they would come to fruition. The Lord used and uses each day to teach and mold and create. I look back and see what a process He used in me and continues to. I love the way I have seen Jesus reveal himself to me over time, and that it just continues to happen- and it won't cease. Colossians 1:27 says, "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." We can't know or expect or understand what is coming for us when we are in Christ, in His sweet glory and riches.

I started a few jobs after I finally graduated that I would start and grow tired of and I still made semi-regular appearances in the shop over the next 2[ish] years. Finally, a job in Norfolk took me the opposite way of the coffee shop and frequenting it on a regular basis. I grew very familiar with a up before the sun drive to Norfolk and commute home after the sun had gone down. The days turned long and time flew by in ways I'd heard of but never imagined. Months passed and today, close to one entire year later I sit here at that same 3 seat table on the right side of the shop. I have experience in a job I would have never seen myself in but relates so ironically with my degree. I have some of "my people" in my life now who were there then, some have moved away, passed on, some changed; and so many have come from unexpected places back when I thought them into being.  I've got a ring on my finger that was given to me by the man better than my dreams and whom I love so immeasurably. I am a month away from packing up and traveling 15 hours away with that man, the one I dreamed of, to embark on an adventure I couldn't have ever imagined seeing happen. Oh, and they changed the outlet next to the table. It works now.

If Need Be, Build An Ark

I've been in this season of not knowing for quite a while now.  There are many things I am not sure of as I walk through life right now.  Some, I am.  For those in which I don't though, thinking about them daunts me.  Holding on is something I'm very good at.  It's funny though holding on and feeling safe aren't very satisfying I have come to figure out.  I have thankfully though picked up the ability to let go once in a while, and that seems to be the more satisfying choice.  

Some people work heavily to learn organization, perfection, and ingenuity, including myself.  I want to stop working so hard for those.  I want to practice spontaneity, trust, and surrender.  

I also know that I am very afraid of what people think.  I often, too often... try to convince myself that I am not, that I am care free and okay with everything.  But, that is farthest from the truth.  I want to have humility and the ability to be confident, not so much in myself [ because I think I already am ] but more so in Whose I am.  

I spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if I just had it all figured out.  Sometimes I wrack my brain trying to figure out things that I am just not supposed to figure out.  It's kind of fun or more like funny sometimes, how frustrated I can get.  It's very naive of me.  It seems as if I have convinced myself that I'm supposed to know how to fix something or get it all straight and then have somehow forgotten or messed up completely.  

Constantly I tell many of my friends, and girls that I pour my life into that there are just some things that are not up to us to know, and that we have to just trust and have faith in the Lord for them.  But then it seems I let it be one of those things that are "do as I say and not as I do."  I don't like that.  I want to believe that I believe that myself, but my endless actions of fighting against not knowing show otherwise.  There's no doubt in my mind though that there is a correlation.  

I suppose that if I wasn't so busy perfecting myself, [or trying to] and instead left room for our sweet Lord to shape me, I'd find a little bit more peace in where I am.  I don't have to be responsible for the mess I may feel that I am in, if I choose to hand it over to Him and trust in what He has for me.  And not in the solution [or lack of] that I have for myself.  I don't know the answer.  But, I am going to start simple and sweet... I'm choosing to wake up each day and hand my life to Him who knows my heart more than I do or ever will.  I think that's a little bit of what faith looks like.

"By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.  By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts.  And through faith, though he died, he still speaks.  By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him.  Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God.  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.  By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household.  By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith."

[ h e b r e w s 1 1 : 3 - 7 ]

I am His delight

The sweet sound of grace is ringing in my ear. Fancy the idea of something bigger loving us unconditionally.  The days I rush out of bed with ten minutes to spare... choosing my cup of coffee and perfecting my hair, instead of thanking the Lord for the day ahead of me. Each day is an adventure, just a page of this wild novel, that is, each of our lives.  Imagine writing a book.  Starting the first page of a new chapter with a jumble of words that don't make any sense,  then onto the next paragraph, it refers back to that first sentence.  I wouldn't be able to follow what's going on because of the foundation being so crumbled.

Over and over, I know in my head how special... how critical and filling it is to spend time with my Creator.  It wouldn't make sense any other way.  How does a toy car work without its' batteries.  I could set it down and push it... it might go a little ways, but then stop.  There's nothing powering it to go any farther.  This is my life.  This is your life.  If I choose my coffee and hair... that's fine.  But after an hour when it starts raining, and there goes my hair, I'm not really left with much, am I?  On the other hand, if I let my Creator prepare His creation for the day, I'll fall on Him throughout the day.  He knows which wires to tweak, which plugs to pull, which tanks to give a little extra fuel to... because He, Himself created them. 

Months on months, I've been waiting to hear from Him, but there's a problem.  In order to hear from Him, I need to do what?  Listen!  But... I stop for a few minutes and read His Word and pray, why can't I hear, I'll argue.  No! Carly! Be still, and listen!  In the weeks passed, I've been taking a day to listen.  To sit in His presence and say, "Here I am Lord, what do you have for me?"  Oh, what a difference in the way I experience Him, when I sit in His presence.  Yesterday, I was sitting in my bed for hours just listening, crying out to hear from Him, and I was overwhelmed by His presence.  His love abiding over me, yelling "I am here... and always am!"  That's grace to me.

I see His grace the most in the times like this.  The times in which I need Him most and think of the outstanding number of times in which He has wanted me, desired my time, but I turned it away for other things.  I see it so clearly, because He says I love you anyways.  I don't get it.  His love is incomprehensible.  His listening ear never suppresses, heart never turns cold, and mercy never runs out.

Take a minute, read this piece out of God's Word for us... His fight for us is unfathomable.  Let it, the image of His fight for us, resonate in your heart.

"I love you, Lord; you are my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold.  I will call on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, for he saves me from my enemies.  The ropes of death surround me; the floods of destruction swept over me.  The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death itself stared me in the face.  But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.  He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.  Then the earth quaked and trembled; the foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger.  Smoke poured from his nostrils; fierce flames leaped from his mouth; glowing coals flamed forth from him.  He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.  Mounted on a mighty angel, he flew, soaring on the wings of the wind.  He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach with dense rain clouds.  The brilliance of his presence broke through the clouds, raining down hail and burning coals.  The Lord thundered from heaven; the Most High gave a mighty shout.  He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies; his lightning flashed, and they were greatly confused.  Then at your command, O Lord, at the blast of your breath, the bottom of the sea could be seen, and the foundations of the earth were laid bare.  He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.  He delivered me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me.  They attacked me at a moment when I was weakest, but the Lord upheld me.  He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me." 
p s a l m 1 8 : 1 - 1 9

$5.17 Venti No Water Soy Milk Chai Tea Latte Please

Growing up, I have had it pretty well.  I grew up with a family that was well provided for, and as soon as I was able, I got a job and started working.  Having done so, I have always had a little extra spending cash, and usually got anything I wanted.  Growing up and being somewhat challenged by bills I had to pay became interesting, but never too much to handle.  I paid for things most of my friends had handed to them, such as car payments, gas money, insurance, and anything I wanted to do out on my own.

Within the last year though, I have become really comfortable, maybe a little too comfortable... and I don't believe that's how we are called to feel.  I'm a Starbucks regular, I pay $300 monthly car payments, I put gas in my 2009 Jeep Wrangler weekly, I go out to lunch with friends... a lot, I make road trips, and I do a lot of shopping at Target and thrift stores.  Why?  Because I can.  I have the money, I work a lot, and earn a very sufficient income at my age.

But very recently, I started a new job... in ministry.  I gave up my well paying but very busy nanny schedule and took on a new adventure in ministry, where I'm learning I really have to stretch my money.  About a month into the job, and I'm a disaster, and our Good Lord has been so incredibly graceful.  Looking at my life right now, my extremely comfortable spoiled 20 year old life... I'm in shock.  I see how much I have, and how much I take advantage of it.

Suddenly, with such an income decrease... I'm left standing in a mess.  I look around and see all of the extras I don't need and want them to all disappear.  I'm selling my jeep, to buy a cheaper one that I can pay for and be done with.  I'm paying off my credit card... and not going to spontaneously spend money that I don't have.  I'm going to not be so obsessed with designer brand coffee.  I'm going to budget, and manage my money so that it is not all about me.  I need to remember one more important one... I'm going to be serious about tithing.

There was a period in my life a year or two ago, when I gave like crazy... and the Lord blessed me abundantly.  And then, I got uncomfortable... and did not give like crazy, only what I felt comfortable with, and needless to say I began to feel uncomfortable with my income as well.  I am a firm believer, because I've seen how much the Lord can use tithing to teach us, that tithing is so important.  A couple weeks ago, I read a sentence out of a book to my small group girls, and was astounded by how much it convicted me personally.  "God gives you just enough time in a day in order to do what He wants you to do."  That goes for anything!  He is the Great Provider!   He gives me just enough money to do with it, what He wants me to do with it... not what I want to do with it, but what He wants to, what will glorify Him!  

So, I'm not writing this to tell my pity story, or to make myself feel good.  I'm writing this to share how God is making me very uncomfortable in order to allow me to see the bigger picture.  I love when I pray for God to show me things, to change the way I'm living, to challenge me... because I don't think I ever believe He is actually going to... and when He does, I stand dumbfounded.  He will challenge you, if and when you ask Him to, because you will grow... in one way or another.  He is the only Hope we can find in anything we walk through.  He holds all things together, and is the Almighty Lord over all.

Ephesians 2:19-22 says, "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God's people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.  In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

Sweet Salvation

There's something really neat about an image that I caught on a road trip with my family today. We had been driving for a few hours in daylight, and then the sun started to set. Awe filled my heart as I watched the sky light up in incredible shades of so many different colors... colors that I couldn't even describe if I tried because orange, yellow, and pink wouldn't give it justice. It was so quick, the daylight disappeared and I just sat astonished by how it just sunk down beneath my view. I watched it as long as I could out my window, and then for miles in the rear view. Even as it went farther and farther down in the sky, there was still such beauty in the small glimpse I could still see. Then, it went dark, and when I couldn't see it any longer, I could look out and see the stars, and I remembered that the moon would come out soon as well.
From that image, I was reminded of the incredibly sweet truth of our salvation.
Just like that, we cross from death to life when we give our lives to Jesus. It's fast, beautiful, and definite. Even when, the light seems to be gone, or I struggle to see Jesus in my life at times, He's there. Similar to the lighting of the sky, even when we can't see the sun anymore, He has gifted us with the light from the stars and the moon. Thinking about the perfection of that plan leaves me in awe.

There's a chunk in the very beginning of Genesis, where God is creating the world, and specifically gives purpose to the light He creates. "And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night—and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day." Genesis 1:14-19 ESV

To know that the God who created purpose for that light, creates a purpose in me too is something to get lost thinking about. He is so good to me. He is so big. He has incredible plans, and wants to use us in great ways. I want to be ready and prepared for Him to do that. I want my heart to be overflowing with the love and joy that He fills me up with every day.

Let Jesus set Himself in your heart, just like the sun sets in majesty. Allow Him to make you new, and ready to be used. Open your heart for the joy He begs to share with you. Brace yourself for His beauty.

Slow Down My Dear

In the last week, I have been adjusting to having my own car back.  Over a month ago, I got into a car accident, totaled my car, and have been without my own since then.  I had to manage to try and figure out how I was going to get place to place, meet with different people, and do my own things while sharing my parents two cars between my parents, my sister, and I.  It was definitely a slower month, I did a lot of staying home and catching rides with people when I could, and staying at Starbucks all day until someone could pick me up. 

It was some what of a break, and the only reason I can say that, is because I've witnessed first hand how jam packed I made my first week, having my car back.  If I had any free time what so ever, it was me asking myself, how can I fill that?  I was on the go, and needed to slow down, and it made me reflect on comments people had made previous to the accident, when I still had a car and this "go, go, go lifestyle" was nothing I had noticed.  But it's been clear to me, I've been wearing myself down and pushing aside time with Jesus so I could "rest."  When really, I was just programming myself to get up and do it all over again in the morning. 

Every time I come back to realizing this, I find it so incredibly amusing, how clearly God shows Himself when I just slow down. 

Imagine speeding down a neighborhood road and your passenger is giving you directions where to go.  Since you're speeding and moving so fast, you won't have time to respond when they tell you to turn somewhere... and if you do, boy is it messy.  It's the same with our lives I've learned.  If we just fly through things, cramming our schedules with whatever possible, we don't give ourselves the necessary time we need to respond to God in our daily lives, and when we try it's rushed and not sacred like it deserves to be. 

"It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." Proverbs 19:2

If my knowledge of my job here where my desires root from, why am I allowing myself to move too fast to remember them?

I forget ever so often, how much my Jesus desires to spend time with me, but more importantly, on a daily basis, and even farther, He desires to be a part of everything in my day.  So, I'm slowing down.  I'm tired of being tired, and my Jesus has so much more to offer me when I give Him my day and give Him my time, and the control of the schedule of my life.  Life is so much sweeter in the Hands of Christ.

Chocolate Overload

A pregnant friend of mine went to a bagel bakery this morning and ordered a chocolate chip bagel, and they asked her if she would like the new chocolate chip cream cheese to go with it.  She replied, “Sure why not”… since no one was really around.  A couple of minutes later, the bakery got busy and her order was ready.  The employee came out and yelled, “Chocolate chip bagel with chocolate chip cream cheese and a chocolate milk… aka someone who really likes chocolate”.  She walked up to retrieve her order with a somewhat red face and walked out, but shamelessly.  It was probably a little embarrassing for everyone to hear her overly chocolaty order, but she got to enjoy the opportunity given to her, because she took it when given. 

Is our faith like that?  We have numerous opportunities daily to share with others what we really love, or simply to show love.  They may be sticky and difficult and sometimes embarrassing to share and show… but we have been given the opportunity to do so.  When given that opportunity, do we take it, or just pass it up because we don’t want others to hear, or we don’t want to embarrass ourselves or step out of our comfort zones. 

Sometimes, taking a risk in our faith hurts, but imagine if everything was easy.  What would the point be?  We would have no room to be challenged, to grow, to make mistakes, to learn.   Overcoming whatever “thing” we are put through, helps us to learn and grow in our faith, and to then pass that along to others.  It gives us a new perspective, a new way of thinking and conquering things. 

I was reading a book called, “The Great Divorce,” by C.S. Lewis, the other day, and read something that hits this right on the head.  “Will you come with me to the mountains?  It will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened.  Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows.  But will you come?”

We have something to hope for in this life.  Let’s share that with others, in the way we speak to them, the way we love them, and the way we act towards them.  It’s in no way going to be easy, I will be the first to admit.  I struggle very much with doing those things consistently… but we are told that it is not going to nor is it supposed to be easy.  It’s going to hurt, it’s going to grow us, and it’s going to strengthen us for more and more.  Leading us to giving Him the glory for the things He has strengthened us to do.

So… “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.  Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.  Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.  Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

–Ephesians 5:15-20